Haruhi in Dragon Age: Origins
by Mizuna.Ryu
Summary: The members of the Host Club have decided to cosplay as your party members in Dragon Age: Origins with wacky results. A two-part one-shot.


**WARNING: Big spoilers for the game and anime/manga ensue. Read at your own peril.**

Mizuna: And here I present unto you, a little brain child of mine that I cannot claim complete credit for. It was inspired by a series of deviations by JadeRaven93 on DeviantArt and my sister.

Morrigan: Yes, great work JadeRaven93 and Sensoo. Now we get the _pure pleasure_ of watching hormone-crazed children play dress up as us and make utter fools of themselves. Because there has been such a shortage of idiots in the world lately. How wonderful.

Alistair: Don't mind her. She's just a crabby witch who's bitter that her roleplay person thingy is a _man_. Personally I think-hey! Ow! Ow! Ow!

Morrigan: Nobody cares what a half-wit like yourself thinks. If that's what you want to call your running of your slack jaw.

Leliana: I personally like how enthusiastic the children are. They are so cute.

Wynne: Indeed. However, I also want to applaud how well-matched they are to us.

Alistair: Yeah! And since the person playing as me ends up with the person playing as the Warden, doesn't that mean-

Leliana & Zevran: Hardly.

Fem Warden: Tee-hee.

Oghren: And why does the dwarf get played by a little teat-sucking nug-humper, heh? This is racism!

Dog: (*whines*)

Oghren: Oh yeah? You're a stupid, mangy, flea-bitten mutt! Who cares if you're being played by a stuffed bunny! Mine is much worse!

Shale: So I get no part in this story? Hmph. At least those little fleshbags aren't trying to be witty by adding a statue to their decor and pretend that it is me.

Mizuna: Haha...I guess they didn't buy the DLC.

Sten:...

(He's secretly admiring how he got the most awesome person to roleplay as him!)

Mizuna: Well please enjoy! And be warned, there be spoilers!

* * *

><p><strong><em>Brrriiinnng!<em>**

Haruhi Fujioka closed her books as the ring of the bell signified the end of classes and the start of club activities. Usually she felt pretty blase about her role as a host...it was fun to be able to talk to other girls so easily, but the frivolity and complete lack of common sense in her fellow hosts (minus Kyouya Ootori of course, but she'd take mobs of narcissistic idiots any day over _him_) counterbalanced her feelings. But today, a slight feeling of dread had been seeping into her mind ever since Kaoru and Hikaru came in with matching grins that barely concealed their glee. The twins had been whispering and looking pointedly at her all day. It was extremely irking and distracting.

Sighing, Haruhi made her way to the Third Music Room, her heart and footsteps heavy. What on Earth had the twins and Tamaki been planning? Or even worse, what if this was something that Kyouya was scheming? Shaking her head to try and relieve herself of these thoughts, Haruhi opened the door to the Host Club.

"Ah! Haruhi! Quickly! Come here!" Tamaki Suo beckoned to his favorite female host (and the only female host). The blond was holding up a strange suit of armor. "Put this on!"

Haruhi slumped over, her eyes narrowed, a "WTF?" expression on her face. The "armor" that Tamaki was holding dipped kind of low on the chest and it stopped right above the midriff. A matching piece that was the size of a mini-skirt lay nearby, presumably the bottom to the armor.

"No way. That's too revealing. What kind of cosplay is this anyway?" Haruhi looked around warily.

Honey and Mori were already in their costumes. Honey wore a strange red armor and a large braided beard dangled from his chin, the same color as his hair. A giant mallet, probably the same height as Honey himself, rested on the chair Honey was seated on. Next to him, Usa-chan wore what looked like brown cat ears, except the stuffed bunny also had a tiny dog collar on, as well as a strange tattoo-like pattern.

_A dog?_

On Honey's other side, sat Mori. The tall, reserved senpai had a ponytail now and he wore a shiny silver armor that surprisingly matched him well. A giant sword, longer than Honey's giant mallet, rested on his chair. The pair of cousins were dressed and accessorized strangely but still sat at their regular table with Honey shoveling cake down his throat and Mori silently sipping tea (he's secretly admiring how he got the most awesome person to roleplay as...that or he's thinking about sanma).

_How can those two deal with this weirdness so normally? _

"Dragon Age cosplay!" A familiar, high-pitched voice answered Haruhi's question.

"Renge-chan?"

_I should have known..._

"Oh ho ho ho ho ho!" Renge belted out her usual odd laughter as she exited the dressing room. She wore a strange red and cream robe that (in Haruhi's opinion) was kind of ugly. "Dragon Age: Origins! One of the greatest, most in-depth and romantic plots that Bioware has ever created. An RPG game worth every cent! The romance! The darkness! The realistic feelings of loss! The complete and utter MOEEEEEEEE!"

"Apparently you can play as a man and romance a man." Kyouya clarified as Renge descended into her Place of Moe.

"Ah...I see..." Haruhi fibbed. Kyouya, along with Tamaki and the twins, were still in their school uniform. She glanced at her outfit again. "But why do I have to wear that?"

"Because, Haruhi-kun, the Grey Warden can come in two different genders, from three different species, three different classes, and six different origins! And out of all the hosts, you are the most androgynous and least like all the other party members!" Renge answered, a gleam in her eye. "Now as a human, you could be a warrior, rogue, or mage, but Tamaki, Kaoru, and Hikaru all agree that you should wear the rogue's outfit! I agree as well! And all of your customers will love to see you in a skirt, Haruhi-kun!"

Haruhi narrowed her eyes at Tamaki and the grinning twins.

"Also, the cost of the rogue costume is much cheaper than that of the warrior's or the mage's. I know I don't need to remind you that this is being added to your debt." Kyouya added, a bright and innocent smile on his face.

Clenching her teeth, but knowing that she was defeated, Haruhi relented.

* * *

><p>"...but I look cutest in Leliana's Chantry robes! Plus we are both French and fashionable and love shopping and extremely cute! We even have similar hair colors!"<p>

_What's going on now?_

Haruhi sighed as she slid open the curtain of the changing room. Renge seemed to be having a face off with the twins.

"Oooohhhh!" Tamaki and the twins admired Haruhi as she stepped out. The leather armor fit her perfectly, as she had no doubt Kyouya knew her three sizes and had it custom made far in advance.

"Neh neh! Haru-chan! Would you prefer to use two swords or one sword with a dagger or a bow or a crossbow?" Honey skipped over to Haruhi cheerfully. His heavy-looking armor didn't slow him down at all.

"Uhhh...a bow I guess..." Haruhi answered.

"Here." Mori held a beautifully polished and smooth wooden bow and a quiver full of real arrows. He helped Haruhi sling the bow and quiver onto her back.

"Ahhh! I knew you'd be a bowman, Haruhi-kun!" Renge gushed. "A romantic like Nathaniel Howe or Sebastian Vael! I love archers! You match my rogue character perfectly!"

"What rogue character?" Hikaru asked, a snide tone in his voice. "We all agreed that you are the best candidate to be the annoying old lady who likes to tell others what to do."

"What? Annoying old lady? I refuse to be Wynne!" Renge's hair turned into snakes as she snarled at the twins.

Unfazed, Kaoru rested his elbow on Hikaru's shoulder. "Well, I am going to be Leliana. Me, Hikaru, and Haruhi should be the three rogues since we're so close. And I look much better in those robes than you do."

"Wait what? No way! I should be a rogue with Haruhi!" Tamaki interjected.

"But you fit Alistair so perfectly, dono." Kaoru responded. "And this way the three of us are the romanceables to Haruhi and not some random girl who's not even from the Host Club."

"Some random girl?" Renge repeated, outraged.

"Afraid of a little competition for Haruhi's heart, dono?" Hikaru added, smirking.

The three boys stared at each other as Renge (who still believes Haruhi to be a boy) shivered with excitement from the moe in the air.

Finally Tamaki relented. "Competition? From you two? Oh please! Haruhi will end up with me, no matter what dirty tricks you employ!"

Disturbed, Haruhi coughed to remind them that she was right there. And that it was a good thing Renge was too absorbed in the moe of it all to realize that she was a _she._

"Then please, Renge-chan? You're the only one who could wear Wynne's robes and pull off the look." Tamaki persuaded with tons of honey in his voice. "Those mage robes would look great on you and only you!"

"I suppose. Or I could wear those cute female mage robes that show off my perfect body so well!" Renge gushed, suddenly changing her tune.

Haruhi noticed that a certain somebody had been silent ever since she went to go change. "Kyouya-senpai, who are you going to be?"

"_Not_ a half-naked sorceress," Kyouya answered, his glasses flashing dangerously.

"But Kyouya! We all agreed that you match Morrigan the best!" Tamaki said, the "we" part probably just including himself, the twins, and Renge.

"Who's Morrigan? And how do you know so much about this game?" Haruhi asked, not understanding at all.

Tamaki gave her his best and flashiest "princely" smile. "As a professional host, it is only natural to know your part as well as you can, Haruhi! Since Honey can't have alcohol in the school anyways, and Mori is already just like his counterpart, and you are the Warden who can turn out any way our customers want you to, the rest of us needed to learn how our counterparts act by playing the actual game. Renge, of course, had already played it and suggested it to us."

"It's a craze among many of us otakus!" Renge added proudly. "On par with, or maybe even a bit better than Mass Effect!"

The reference flew right over Haruhi's head and she didn't care. She looked around. Kyouya and the twins had disappeared.

"Hey, where's-"

**_Thud!_**

"Let me go! Murderers! MURDERERS! AHHHH!"

Haruhi turned around as the twins frog-marched Umehito Nekozawa from the neighboring Black Magic Club into the Host Club's room.

"You can stop your incessant cries of torment, Nekozawa-senpai." Kyouya said calmly, as he readjusted his glasses and closed the door of the Black Magic Club behind him. "We will have the curtains drawn and the lights dimmed to suit the darker mood of the Dragon Age universe. And don't forget, you still are in debt to our Host Club for our strenuous labor in reuniting you with Kirimi-chan."

_This guy did nothing..._

Nekozawa started before nodding in agreement. "You're correct, Ootori-san. What need do you have of me? Would you like me to curse somebody? A business rival perhaps? Or-"

"Are you familiar with the RPG, Dragon Age: Origins, Nekozawa-senpai?" Kyouya asked, ignoring Nekozawa's eager offers and ever-growing creepiness.

"Dragon Age? Of course! A wonderfully dark world filled with demons and magic!" Nekozawa responded, excitedly. "The wondrous powers of magic all manifest in there, be it turning into a spider to poison your enemies and conserve health, using the different elements to freeze or burn, controlling enemies through their traitorous blood-"

"Good, good." Kyouya interrupted. "Then today, you will cosplay as Morrigan, the female apostate."

"Morrigan? Oh she is my beautiful dark goddess...my-wait what?" Nekozawa did a double take. Behind him, the twins snickered in unison.

"You will cosplay as Morrigan." Kyouya repeated, calmly. "We have her trademark outfit that I have no doubt will fit you just fine, Nekozawa-senpai. And since you are so familiar with the game, as well as Morrigan, I'm sure you will do a fine job acting as her."

Kyouya was smiling like usual, but his tone conveyed the hidden _"or else"._

Haruhi went up to the dark and slumping Nekozawa and patted his back. She empathized with him. He wasn't the first to be manipulated into a horrible outfit by Kyouya today.

* * *

><p>"Well, Haruhi, how do I look?" Tamaki stepped out of the dressing room in Alistair's trademark splintmail armor. He had wanted to wear the Warden Commander armor but found it too heavy and bulky on him. A longsword and shield were strapped to his back.<p>

"Mmmm...not bad I suppose..." Haruhi answered truthfully.

"You suppose?" Tamaki had already crouched in a corner, his finger tracing a pattern on the floor.

"Ahahaha!" Kaoru and Hikaru stepped in front of Haruhi. "Haruhi! How do we look?"

Hikaru wore a shoulder-length blond wig that had two braids on either side of his head that merged into one braid in the back. He wore molded tips on his ears that gave the semblance of elf ears. Kaoru was wearing a shoulder-length red wig the same color as his natural hair. Hikaru had a longsword and a dagger strapped criss cross on his back while Kaoru had a crossbow and a quiver of bolts. The two both had on armor similar to Haruhi's except Kaoru's was more silver in color and Hikaru's didn't dip in the chest area. Instead, his armor had a criss-cross of what looked like two belts in the front.

"Eh? Hikaru, why is your armor different from Kaoru's and mine?" Haruhi asked, wishing she could wear the more modest one.

"Ah, the breastplate area? That's because I'm wearing the male version, while you and Kaoru are the female versions." Hikaru responded grinning.

"The female...version?" Haruhi repeated.

"Yeah. It's what Renge wanted." The twins answered together and shrugged although the smirks on their faces left no doubt as to who else wanted to see Haruhi in it.

Ignoring them, Haruhi glanced at their legs. All three of them wore skirt-like bottoms. It seemed that both twins had shaved their legs as well...

"Wow...Renge-chan, are you sure you won't get kicked out of school for wearing that?" Honey asked, as the girl walked out of the changing room.

Renge didn't wear Wynne's plain red robe that covered her from neck to toe. Instead she wore a what looked like (to Haruhi) a pink one-piece swimsuit that showcased her cleavage, had golden furry shoulder pads, a pink loincloth and thin, black thigh-high boots. A strange. long piece of wood was strapped onto her back.

"It's cosplay, Honey-senpai!" Renge responded as though that would make everything alright. She caught sight of Kaoru. "And why are you wearing rogue armor? You should be in Leliana's Chantry robes!"

"I didn't wanna." Kaoru answered, nonchalantly.

"After all," the twins said together, grinning like the Cheshire cat," we're closest with Haruhi and we want to match him."

With that Hikaru grabbed Haruhi and pushed her head against his chest, while Kaoru bended down and hugged her waist. They looked at Tamaki on purpose and leered.

Steam came out of their lord's ears. He stalked towards the twins. "Get away from Haruhi you lecherous bast-"

"Uhhh...how do I look?"

**_Bam!_**

Nekozawa had suddenly opened the door of the dressing room just as Tamaki stomped by. The heavy wooden door hit Tamaki full on the face and knocked him to the ground.

"Tama-chan? Are you OK?" Honey quickly leaped to Tamaki's aid, a piece of strawberry cake still in hand. "Here have some cake!"

Hikaru and Kaoru let go of Haruhi as they bent over with laughter.

Nekozawa had replaced his usual dark wig with another dark wig with a ponytail. He wore a very revealing dark maroon tank that dipped very low, giant silver jewelry that probably covered more skin than his top did, a black sleeve on his left arm, and a black skirt with black boots. Like Renge, a mutated branch of wood was strapped to his back.

He looked utterly horrendous (in Haruhi's opinion). But instead of looking defeated, Nekozawa seemed to be enjoying this newfound hobby.

"You look wonderful! Absolutely great, Nekozawa-senpai!" Kaoru gasped out as before taking another good look and falling over.

"Yeah! It really suits you!" Hikaru added, hitting his fists on the floor as he flailed in laughter.

"I think so too!" Nekozawa replied happily. He turned towards Tamaki. "I must thank you, Suo-san. For providing such a lovely and dark environment for my delicate white skin. I haven't felt a breeze on my bare skin in ages. And this cosplaying is so much fun! Perhaps I should become a host as well as a black magician."

"Uhh...that's Ok. We're pretty much filled up on Host positions anyways." Kaoru said, wiping away tears from laughing so hard.

_I give up trying to understand..._

Haruhi sighed. Everybody was in their costumes. Now they just needed to wait for the Host Club to open.

"Well that's all of us." Kyouya stepped into the room.

"Ahhh! Spoilers! Huge spoilers!" The twins and Tamaki all rushed at Haruhi and covered her eyes.

"Eh?"

"Wait, what should we do?" Hikaru asked. "We can't let Haruhi see Kyouya!"

"Yeah! It's too big of a spoiler!" Kaoru agreed. "But we can't just cover Haruhi's eyes the entire time!"

"Fret not, men!" Tamaki said, confidently. "I have a plan. We'll just blindfold Haruhi and he can be like William Tell who shot an apple off of his son's head, blindfolded!"

"He wasn't blindfolded!" Hikaru exclaimed.

"Yeah, that would have killed his son!" Kaoru responded.

"He wasn't? B-but..." Tamaki seemed at a loss for words for a moment. He quickly rebounded. "Then we should hide Kyouya-"

"Rejected." Kyouya interjected coldly.

"Then we should-"

"Ummm...senpai?" Haruhi volunteered from under the twins' hands. "It's not like I'm ever going to play that game. I don't see what the fuss is."

"But it's a spoiler!" Tamaki screamed in horror. "You-"

"I think I'll live. What with taking care of the house, keeping my grades up, and being a host, I doubt I will ever have time to do such a frivolous thing." Haruhi said, sounding irritated.

"Mmmm...more commoner wisdom!" The twins exclaimed. "Since they have such busy lives trying to make money, the commoners must pretend that video games don't exist so that they can stay alive! Poor Haruhi! She doesn't even have the luxury of playing video games!"

"Uh...no. Plenty of commoners play video games." Haruhi replied, a little offended.

"As much as I hate to interrupt, the Host Club is going to open soon." Kyouya said, sounding plenty fine with interrupting. "Hikaru. Kaoru. Let go of Haruhi."

"If you say so, Kyouya-senpai." The twins shrugged and let her go.

"No! Don't! Don't look at Kyouya, Haruhi!" Tamaki cried out.

Haruhi opened her eyes and immediately looked curiously at Kyouya.

Kyouya wore a bulky silver armor and a giant gleaming sword. He was dressed up just like Mori.

(Haruhi's Face: -.- )

_What was all that fuss about?_

"He's Teyrn Loghain Mac Tir! The secret companion that can be recruited by sacrificing poor Alistair!" Renge supplied more info at nobody's behest. "Huge spoiler! Poor Haruhi-kun. Now he can never play this game and experience those feelings of shock and hate or have to face the agonizing choice of whom to kill, whom to keep."

"You don't have to kill Alistair." Kaoru waved his hand.

Hikaru leaned his elbow on Kaoru's shoulder. "Yeah, if you just exile him, he shows up in a bar in the second game."

Tamaki gasped in horror. "No! No more spoilers! Stop!"

Kyouya readjusted his glasses, his irritated look on his face. "At any rate, we should open soon. Or else all this dressing up will have gone to waste."

Renge sighed. "It's too bad we don't have a Shale."

* * *

><p>*Just to clarify, the changing room is the little area with a curtain around it, the place where Haruhi was changing clothes in episode 1. The dressing room is the side room to the music room where Haruhi was changing clothes when Kasanoda walked in on her. The girls are using the changing room since there is only two of them.<p>

I hope this was enjoyable. There's no real plot here since there's no real problem...just some fluffy drabble that I wanted to write about. There will be two parts to this one-shot since it turned out longer than I expected. Please support me with reviews and ideas!


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